Commentary/Satire by Bill the Butcher
Remember back when the” Jab” was an important thing? Oh, c’mon! You remember. Masks, mass graves, empty shelves at Kroger. You know! The good old days. And we waited in eager anticipation for a vaccine that would put COVID-19 in the halls of history with tuberculosis, polio, tetanus, and the ever-popular clap! God bless medical science. Right on time, like Moses giving water to the children of Israel a vaccine was arrived at and people crowded the waiting rooms of hospitals, CVS, and doctors’ offices to get “The Jab!”
And it was graded. Like whiskey. There was 72%, 84%, right on up to 90ish% depending on the brand, none guaranteed positive protection from the Bat Flu but hell, beats dying, right? And there were boosters. Seems this thing only worked for about a month and you had to get “boosted.” **NOTE: How many rabies boosters did your dog need this year. Asking for a friend.
So, there we were. All shut up and boosted. But people kept getting COVID. But we were reminded that this was a newer, friendlier COVID. And then good old separation came on. The “In” crowd got to go to movies, restaurants, and clinics to get more boosters. The rest of us got to go to the showers. Then something unexpected happened.
Six-year-olds began dying of heart attacks, quarterbacks fell dead on the thirty-yard line, kids in college with a full scholarship suddenly couldn’t remember where their dorm room was and COVID started looking like the flu it always was. Kinda like when Uncle Sammy poisoned the whiskey back in prohibition to get America to switch to Welch’s Grape Juice. The Baptists still think Jesus served that at the last supper, but that’s for another article.
By the time the masks came off CVS couldn’t give the vaccine away. The most amazing thing happened. There was this big scare. All the schools were shut down and an entire generation was educated at home by day drinkers. Oh, forgot to mention; The liquor stores were open. Anyway, the fear was when the kids all returned to Wassa Matta U they’d all contract the newest strain of what’s going around, bring it home and that would reset the human race to Noanderthal 0.-1!
So we sent the kids to school, which most parents, after actually parenting for between two and three years totally agreed with and understood the Aztecs. Those who have eyes let them read! And the kids went to school. And they contracted the bug. And they came home. And gave it to everybody, black or white, saved or lost, republican or democrat, jabbed or still virgin. And grandma lived, and the world moved on. Son of a bitch! Darnest thing we ever saw.
We were left with the jabbed who were now developing the Bull Dog Clap and wondering why. Now, while we pray for people who remembered the Salk Vaccine which, by the way took several years to develop, and trusting the government took the jab, a large portion of the population took their chances with Vicks Formula 44 and we soldiered on. With some exceptions such as President Biden who bravely bared his arm and became a poster child for the psyche ward. Now consider this: Sleepy Joe has never been the brightest crayon in the box but he did have a long career of being capable of chewing bubble gum and walking at the same time. Got the jab and voila! Hiding behind palm trees. I’m not a doctor. I’m just saying.
I’ve heard that a lot of shadow government people dodged the shot. Like Nancy Pelosi. She may have taken it which only confirms that she’s one of those lizard people Alex Jones went on and on about. But on the bright side, have you noticed how many stupid people and rappers are just dropping dead for no good reason? Giving a talk about gay marriage and their head blows up.
I think that a healthy amount of people survived. That’s the 85% that put Donald Trump back in office. Trump is so good that I noticed that gas went down to $1.80 a gallon here in Texas the day after the election. Now that’s respect! We can’t predict the effects on the unborn from jabbed parents. Be like Hiroshima. But I hope those of us who made it through with our DNA intact will remember and teach our children and grandchildren to give a jaundiced eye to those handing out jaundice shots.
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