“Mike Lindell is having a heck of a 2022 so far,” Jimmy Kimmel said in his monologue Thursday night, noting that the MyPillow CEO recently had his phone records subpoenaed by the committee investigating January 6th. And now he’s been trying to “sell his most outlandish claim yet.”
During an appearance on a far-right streaming show this week, Lindell declared that he has “enough evidence to put everybody in prison for life, 300 and some million people,” for their role in “stealing” the 2020 election.
“There are only 330 million people in the country!” Kimmel shot back. “You know, he keeps saying he has this evidence. He’s like James Cameron with the Avatar sequel. ‘Just 12 more years, I promise, it’s coming!’”
To get to the bottom of what exactly the MyPillow guy is up to, Kimmel went “straight to the source.” No, not the real Lindell, who actually appeared as a guest on his show last year, but rather comedian James Adomian, who beamed in from behind bars, complete with a teardrop tattoo on his cheek—not because he murdered someone, but because he’s “sad about our stolen election.”
“As I said on the [Dr.] Gina show, I have enough evidence to lock up every man, woman and child in America for the rest of their natural lives, including me!” he exclaimed. And since “we’re all being incarcerated together forever anyway, I bribed the warden to let me into supermax, to get a good spot!”
After selling a couple of pillows for a carton of smokes, Lindell said that while he’s been “substance-free” for 13 years, “a week in here and I’m already addicted to cigarettes again,” shoveling a few in his mouth and washing them down with some “toilet wine.”
Finally, as a prison riot siren blared, he strapped on some of his pillows as armor. “They’re so lumpy and hard they can’t be cut with a razor!” he told Kimmel. “I missed out on the last riot because I was in the White House Jan. 6, I’m not going to miss an opportunity to stick a cop with a screwdriver again!”