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| Miss Mariah aka Stormrex – Warden’s Columnist |
One of the most painful thing that can happen to anyone in a relationship is the feeling of insecurity.
It can suck joy out of you and make you vulnerable to perpetual sadness. There’s no need renting a house you’re not sure of the security just like there’s no need booking a flight to a place there’s no airport. Where are you going to land?
A partner whose heart skips when their partner’s phone rings is only going to die of heart attack. Any voice you hear other than the ones you know must be that of someone they’re cheating with. Why bother about every little thing your partner does? Why so concerned about their phones and chats? . It’s not a crime to have full access to your partner’s phone but once you feel insecure you start going through their phones hoping to see a crazy chat or comment from someone of the opposite sex.
Don’t forget they’re people out there who don’t give a damn about you or your partner’s status. That he or she keeps uploading your pictures can’t stop some “funny” people from calling them baby or sweetheart. So when you go through their phones every now and again, be ready to see stuffs that will give you heart attack. They’re people and stuffs you must learn to ignore.
Your partner may really not have anything to do with these people. Stop asking irrelevant questions especially about their past and ex. Whether they slept with hundreds of people including your best friend isn’t your business.
This happened before you came in. Every one has an ugly past so, stop asking why and what or when anything happened when you were not around.
A friend was planning to break up with her man cos he had an ugly past. He had asked out almost every girl on his Facebook friends list, slept with almost every girl around him and when I asked if she ever considered why he didn’t choose to settle with any of those girls, she couldn’t provide a credible reply.
That was practical insecurity in display. Her greatest fear was, most of those girls look better than her. Insecurity makes you feel less. You keep feeling you ain’t good enough. It makes you start competing with people you find around your partner. It turns you into an indoor psychiatric patient.
For me, my partner’s ex doesn’t exist. “Old things have passed away”
Seeking constant reassurance that your partner loves you and won’t leave you is birthed by insecurity. You should know this already. I don’t ask bae if he loves me, I simply look at him and say
“Oh yeah”, I know you love me and he will reply “I just can’t stop loving you”. You should already know your partner won’t trade you for anything else. If you know this, no body around your partner however beautiful or rich they are can scare you . There’s nothing as sweet as knowing your worth and being confident.
I had this neighbour who constantly accused her husband of cheating. Every morning and night she would nag over a call or received, a female he smiled at or her call he missed.
This kills relationships.
Constantly accusing your partner of what they didn’t do is another way of encouraging them to do it. You hear people say, “since you keep accusing me then, I have to do what you want “. Even if you suspect or hear about your partner cheating they’re better ways to handle or talk about it. Don’t accuse!
Stop focusing on the negativity.
“He will leave me”
“I’m not beautiful enough”
“That girl needs a richer dude”
…..wait,
“why isnt he picking up his call”?
“Maybe he’s with another woman”
“Elsie is always calling, are you sure they’re not dating”
“Sandra is always calling him sugar, she comments on all his posts, I’m sure she’s crushing”
..these will lead you nowhere but headache and pains.
Simply challenge your fears don’t let them keep you miserable. Some girls out there are ready to do anything to have your man. Instead of wasting your energy going through your Man’s phone or investigating his moves, why not think of better ways to satisfy him sexually, why not take him for shopping, do something different and unique that will keep him longing after you.
Stop mind reading or desiring for certainty. If you are with the right partner insecurity will find no place in you.
Insecurity kills faster than AIDS. Be Confident. What’s yours remains yours. You don’t need to fight to keep it cos in fighting you may lose an eye and that same partner will leave you for another.
The Warden®
